Three friends in the
church wrote us separately, tentatively, urging us to obey our elders. With
Jerry's approval, I wrote to each of them:
"What
you tell us corresponds with what I want to hear, as much as from (on my part)
sheer intimidation and a desire to lie low and not draw fire as from wanting to
do everything 'decently and in order,' according to I Corinthians 14:40.
"In myself I am terrified of these people and when friends urge us to go slowly,
hear both sides, etc., I want to do exactly that, be sensible and conciliatory.
But I have not had any peace about this. God has been waking me in the
night and calming my fear about these powerful people, replacing it with a
profound peace in my soul. But with the peace comes a certain knowledge that He
wants to use us to expose corruption deeper than anything anyone has sensed or
to this point brought before the leaders of our church. He keeps impressing on
my spirit, Bring the deeds of darkness into the
light of My judgment.
"Jerry and I have spent hours in prayer, Bible study, and singing before Him as
He leads us to keep our focus on Him. At the same time whenever I go before the
Lord He has been communicating His anger and passion at abuses in the church as
He must have done to the prophets. And He has been showing us what He wants us
to do. I tremble before Him but I cannot disobey.
"I have struggled with the Lord about this: I'm sure
they're good men. They mean well. Most of them are probably just deceived. Who
am I to pronounce these outrageous judgments on them? We must remain
under their authority! Lord, You know that! They have told us to be quiet. How
can I confront them or continue to expose them to others?
"Yesterday it came to a head. I told the Lord, 'You know
I will do ANYTHING You tell me too. I will face anything, risk anything, lose
anything, including every physical possession, every relationship, my
reputation, my life for You! BUT I HAVE TO KNOW BEYOND THE SHADOW OF A DOUBT
THAT THIS IS FROM YOU! Jerry may back me just because he loves me and even
though we run everything we write through a mature, godly friend also, he could
be mistaken, too. I NEED THREE INDEPENDENT WITNESSES THAT THIS IS OF YOU!'
"As I was praying this, the phone rang. A friend
wanted to tell me that three of our mutual friends were at her house and she
wanted to pass the phone around and have us say hi to each other. I said, 'Oh,
G., I'm sorry but I'm not up to chit-chat right now! I am going through a really
rough time!' G. said immediately, 'We'll pray for you right
now!"
"None of these people attend our church. Of the four, only G. knew anything of
what we have been facing. She has prayed with me for this church over the years
and sensed darkness and mocking spirits here. G. put her phone in speaker mode
and they all took turns praying for us. This is what they prayed (and shared
with us as they prayed). Let me point out that 'words of knowledge' and 'words of wisdom' are two legitimate spiritual gifts listed in I
Corinthians 12:8, 8-10; and 14:6, as long as we 'test the spirits' against the
word and character of God before we receive
them.
"'Lord: bind, gag, and blindfold every demon linked to the strongman over that
church. Give peace. May the elders and leaders come up as pure gold. I've seen
justice in Jerry's and Jessica's hearts. It burns inside them. Cover them with
Your blood and with Your angels.
"'I'm seeing a picture of an army of angels--two rows of them like
cavalry--marching toward you two. There will be a 'changing of the guard.' There
is an angel standing behind each one of you, guarding you. New angels are coming
in to replace the old angels, bigger angels because you have been called into a
higher level of warfare. You are peacemakers. You now have a higher level of
authority so God has done a 'changing of the
guard.'
"'(Missed some words as I was taking notes as fast as I could) --bless you. In
God's hand no one can touch you. Lord, give them the peace that passes
all understanding. The surface waters and waves may be churning and
crashing about but the ocean depths are calm. Rely and rest on, trust the Word
of God. You are in His hands.
"'Seal this with Your signet ring, O
Lord!"
"Another said, 'You and Jerry are gatekeepers. You cannot allow (missed
something here) to come in. Whatever God is telling you to say or do--do it!
You have His authority. Don't hold back!' Everyone there confirmed these
words and visions.
"This stunned me. I had asked for three independent confirmations that what we
are hearing is of God--and while I was praying for three, He gave us
four!
"Now I was fully convinced that God is the one calling
me to write these appalling things, things I can scarcely believe myself. But I
still felt I had to question Him about His timing. I couldn't get past the
hierarchy of authority in Matthew 18. We had taken our grievance directly to the
elder who had told us in effect (twice, at that point), 'You can't pray!' with
no response to our grievance other than an increase in what I felt was his
"badgering" us. Then I had appealed by e-mail to several elders, including the
senior pastor, the pastor (JE) who had scared me, and executive elders whom I
knew were involved in the commands to silence of many of our people. The subject
heading of my e-mail was 'please stop.' There was no acknowledgement of this
letter, no response--but then, I was so intimidated (and the younger parts of me
so traumatized) by what the elders were saying to us, my letter was nearly
incoherent. I'm sure they didn't read past
the first two paragraphs.
"I
prayed, Lord, I am willing to write whatever you want me to write, but first
shouldn't I write to the elders and tell them we have read their letter, prayed
about it, obeyed their request--asking God to show us if we have sinned,
confessing the sins He revealed (which we have done)? Shouldn't I tell them we
will submit to their authority except where it conflicts with Your
authority? Shouldn't we let our correspondents know we have done all that, for
the sake of our credibility?
"Then God spoke to my heart and said,
'What I want you to tell the elders is not
your message. It is not about you. I want you to give them MY message--AND I
AM NOT UNDER THEIR AUTHORITY!'
"Only then did I have His peace again.
"I
believe the Lord has a letter He wants us to write them. I must obey the
Sovereign Lord. How can I not?
"Please keep praying for truth to replace the lies in
our church. I have prayed this for myself every day for years: 'Lord, speak
truth to the lies I believe.' It is amazing what God has showed me about
myself--who I really am as opposed to who I think I am--and about
Him.
Blessings,
(Jerry
and)
Jessica
Yes, My prayer has been for some time to show me the lies I have believed. He answers that prayer!
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