The first wife told me I am hurting people in the church, hurting her family, by spreading lies, causing dissension and destruction, being unchristian and unbiblical. It took some time and I could tell her anger was from pain, that she needed to get all this out and I needed to be quiet and really hear her. She said twice that if I don't stop writing these things on my blog, "YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!" (I heard the capitals.)
She had a separate rebuke for Jerry.
I tried to ask her forgiveness for anything I have done to hurt her but she wouldn't receive it.
I couldn't wait until we got home to get alone with Jesus. I went straight to our bedroom and got on my knees before Him. Of course I asked, as I always do, In trying to obey You, have I misheard? Have I done wrong? Have I written things that were untrue? Have my motives been unrighteous? But all I sensed was an all-consuming hunger to focus on HIM, to be reminded again of who He is and what He has done for us, to saturate myself with His word and worship Him.
I needed to be reassured He is "the Priest eternal," interceding for her and for me, the King of glory and of grace, the Lion and the Lamb, the Lord incarnate, the One who purchased our souls with His own blood, the only sacrifice by which we are reconciled to the Father, the One in Whom our lives are hidden, safe from the enemy.
He is still "my great High Priest, whose name is Love,/who ever lives and pleads for me./My name is graven on His hands,/my name is written on His heart,/I know that, while in heaven He stands (and while we stand for Him on earth),/no tongue can bid me thence depart." That goes for her, too. She is not my enemy and I am not her enemy. We both have an enemy, the same one.
I had peace throughout this time but it took a long time to regain balance.
As she was speaking of all the hurt I've caused, I couldn't help thinking of all the people her husband and the rest of the executive elders have hurt over the years. Believe me, if God hadn't told Jerry and me to stay, I'd be out of this church like a shot--like so many other people who have felt unwelcome here. The leadership told those people not to tell; God has told us, "Tell!" The people they hurt were hurt by lies; now, ironically, their own families are being hurt by the truth. They just don't yet realize it is the truth.