The first wife told me I am hurting people in the church, hurting her family, by spreading lies, causing dissension and destruction, being unchristian and unbiblical. It took some time and I could tell her anger was from pain, that she needed to get all this out and I needed to be quiet and really hear her. She said twice that if I don't stop writing these things on my
blog, "YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!" (I heard the capitals.)
She had a separate rebuke for Jerry.
I tried to ask her forgiveness for anything I have done to hurt her but she wouldn't receive it.
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I couldn't wait until we got home to get alone with Jesus. I went straight to our bedroom and got on my knees before Him. Of course I asked, as I always do, In trying to obey You, have I misheard? Have I done wrong? Have I written things that were untrue? Have my motives been unrighteous? But all I sensed was an all-consuming hunger to focus on HIM, to be reminded again of who He is and what He has done for us, to saturate myself with His word and worship Him.
I needed to be reassured He is "the Priest eternal," interceding for her and for me, the King of glory and of grace, the Lion and the Lamb, the Lord incarnate, the One who purchased our souls with His own blood, the only sacrifice by which we are reconciled to the Father, the One in Whom our lives are hidden, safe from the enemy.
He is still "my great High Priest, whose name is Love,/who ever lives and pleads for me./My name is graven on His hands,/my name is written on His heart,/I know that, while in heaven He stands (and while we stand for Him on earth),/no tongue can bid me thence depart." That goes for her, too. She is not my enemy and I am not her enemy. We both have an enemy, the same one.
I had peace throughout this time but it took a long time to regain balance.
As she was speaking of all the hurt I've caused, I couldn't help
thinking of all the people her husband and the rest of the executive elders have hurt
over the years. Believe me, if God hadn't told Jerry and me to stay, I'd be out of this church
like a shot--like so many other people who have felt unwelcome here. The leadership told those people not to tell; God has told us, "Tell!"
The people they hurt were hurt by lies; now, ironically, their own families are being hurt by the truth. They just don't yet realize it is the truth.
Believe me, I am 19 years old going on 20, and I have a pretty good sense of reality. My family and the rest of the congregation (except for the 30 people in your gang) are hurt by people like YOU who are preventing flourishing and growth from happening in the church. I think your blog is petty and foolish, and I would really appreciate it if you would leave my father and mother alone. You have no right to be doing what you are doing and I hope you have to face the mess you have been apart of very soon.
ReplyDeleteIt's not a gang, like the Crips or Bloods. It's a group of people looking for answers to questions. Sometimes growth is asking the questions that get swept under the rug and accepting the truth. And considering the blogs on things like "reality" tv and what celebrity is sleeping with who, let's not call one blog any more foolish than the other. That would be against "flourishing," wouldn't it? And there's a lot more than just 30 people. We flourish too, you know. ;o)
ReplyDeleteDear Jessica,
ReplyDeleteI spoke the truth to an elder. I was confronted by his wife. I was told if what I had said was what I believed, then we did not belong in the same church.
I consulted with the pastor, and was told that if what I said was what I believed that he differed with my theology. He asked me to defend my theology in an email. I wrote 9 pages, all supported by scripture. I don't know if he read it, but I know that what I believe is according to the Bible. For that, I am thankful.
During this time, I repeatedly went to God with the question, have I done anything wrong or against Your will? I was assured repeatedly that I was doing as He wished.
I am now home. I have not been back to that building, and I have not been directed to any other building. My marriage is stronger. My faith is intact. I am at peace. Jesus is Lord!
Blessings to you,
Louise
I’ve been reading your blog with interest. You and your husband have been such faithful servants and a testimony to thousands in the midst of the apostasy and blatant compromise in your church.
ReplyDeleteDimple is right. You need to find your real home. I understand Dr. David Hocking recently said that if your church has become compromised, you should leave. Could this be, at long last, the blessed release you have longed for? Oh, what freedom you and your husband will find when you are finally home. Peace will surround you.
Had to laugh at this one. Good try but God apparently wants us to be a thorn in your side a little longer. And sending that other comment under Emily's name because we posted her first (anonymous) letter won't work either.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, we beg you to put away deception, game-playing, and using people (including your daughter). Come under God's authority voluntarily so He won't have to get your attention by some harsher method.