Glimpses of Grace 20: "You're hearing voices"

     On October 9, we emailed the denunciation I believe God directed me to write to each of the elders, none of whom ever acknowledged it. But some of their wives still acknowledge it by their body language. The senior's pastor's wife maintains a profile chiseled in stone, never glancing in my direction. Another, a greeter at the door to the social hall where we are holding services during the remodeling of the sanctuary, hands my husband a bulletin and immediately lifts her chin and turns her head as if to greet someone behind her, although there is nothing there but a wall. 
     There is one elder I will call Healer. His wife is the one who prayed for me so tenderly in Agape, the same woman who told WOW "I love you but I can't speak with you." I will call her Hospitality. Someone forwarded to us an email from her in which she testified beautifully to her faith in Christ alone and called Healer "my dear husband--who is the kindest man I know."

     ". . . There may be personality conflicts in our body, but I do not believe the pastor and our men are trying to "take over" and deceive us. I will continue to love my Savior here. We had the honor of leading a lady to Christ 2 Sundays ago. She heard our pastor and said that it was several things that he said that made a difference for her.

     "If someone said there is some other way to secure salvation other than through the blood of Christ, then I would fight. Until then, I will 'commit myself unto the one who judges justly'.

     She also (briefly) blasted me: "By the way, there is someone different to call on the prayer requests because the previous person said she is getting counseling and "other things" which she stated herself in a class. This person also called out a name and condemned someone (publicly) who was not even there to defend themselves.  She has sent letters as if she is God speaking. I am sorry, but I would never write a letter as if I am the voice of God. How dare I?!

     "This is not godly, it is unstable. .  ."

     She signed herself, "Safely and securely in the Arms of Jesus"

     "Jerry," I said after reading this, "I didn't mention JE's name, did I? I'm sure I didn't!"
     "You mentioned Hatchet Man by name."
     "I did? I didn't mean to."
     "At the end. You got a little emotional."
     "That's right. I did. I'm sorry."
       
     After the "Letter from God," Mrs. Music Man continued to greet and be kind to me in choir but she was struggling to understand. After choir rehearsal the first night after I sent God's response to the elders she, Jerry and I stood out in the chilly night and talked. She asked how I could "write as if I were God" and she listened as I tried to explain why I believe God wrote the letter through me. When I finished she referred gently to my "hearing voices" and said I was hurting people.
     I can certainly appreciate how these people could see it that way. In their shoes, I am sure I would too.  

C.S. Lewis lovers: New biography scheduled

     Alister E. McGrath, a solid Christian and a prolific author on many subjects, is writing a new biography of C. S. Lewis to be published in March, 2013.

Glimpses of Grace 19: Changing of the Angelic Guard

     Three friends in the church wrote us separately, tentatively, urging us to obey our elders. With Jerry's approval, I wrote to each of them:

     "What you tell us corresponds with what I want to hear, as much as from (on my part) sheer intimidation and a desire to lie low and not draw fire as from wanting to do everything 'decently and in order,' according to I Corinthians 14:40.

     "In myself I am terrified of these people and when friends urge us to go slowly, hear both sides, etc., I want to do exactly that, be sensible and conciliatory. But I have not had any peace about this. God has been waking me in the night and calming my fear about these powerful people, replacing it with a profound peace in my soul. But with the peace comes a certain knowledge that He wants to use us to expose corruption deeper than anything anyone has sensed or to this point brought before the leaders of our church. He keeps impressing on my spirit, Bring the deeds of darkness into the light of My judgment. 

     "Jerry and I have spent hours in prayer, Bible study, and singing before Him as He leads us to keep our focus on Him. At the same time whenever I go before the Lord He has been communicating His anger and passion at abuses in the church as He must have done to the prophets. And He has been showing us what He wants us to do. I tremble before Him but I cannot disobey.

     "I have struggled with the Lord about this: I'm sure they're good men. They mean well. Most of them are probably just deceived. Who am I to pronounce these outrageous judgments on them? We must remain under their authority! Lord, You know that! They have told us to be quiet. How can I confront them or continue to expose them to others?

     "Yesterday it came to a head. I told the Lord, 'You know I will do ANYTHING You tell me too. I will face anything, risk anything, lose anything, including every physical possession, every relationship, my reputation, my life for You! BUT I HAVE TO KNOW BEYOND THE SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT THIS IS FROM YOU! Jerry may back me just because he loves me and even though we run everything we write through a mature, godly friend also, he could be mistaken, too. I NEED THREE INDEPENDENT WITNESSES THAT THIS IS OF YOU!'

     "As I was praying this, the phone rang. A friend wanted to tell me that three of our mutual friends were at her house and she wanted to pass the phone around and have us say hi to each other. I said, 'Oh, G., I'm sorry but I'm not up to chit-chat right now! I am going through a really rough time!' G. said immediately, 'We'll pray for you right now!" 

     "None of these people attend our church. Of the four, only G. knew anything of what we have been facing. She has prayed with me for this church over the years and sensed darkness and mocking spirits here. G. put her phone in speaker mode and they all took turns praying for us. This is what they prayed (and shared with us as they prayed). Let me point out that 'words of knowledge' and 'words of wisdom' are two legitimate  spiritual gifts listed in I Corinthians 12:8, 8-10; and 14:6, as long as we 'test the spirits' against the word and character of God before we receive them.

     "'Lord: bind, gag, and blindfold every demon linked to the strongman over that church. Give peace. May the elders and leaders come up as pure gold. I've seen justice in Jerry's and Jessica's hearts. It burns inside them. Cover them with Your blood and with Your angels.

     "'I'm seeing a picture of an army of angels--two rows of them like cavalry--marching toward you two. There will be a 'changing of the guard.' There is an angel standing behind each one of you, guarding you. New angels are coming in to replace the old angels, bigger angels because you have been called into a higher level of warfare. You are peacemakers. You now have a higher level of authority so God has done a 'changing of the guard.'

     "'(Missed some words as I was taking notes as fast as I could) --bless you. In God's hand no one can touch you. Lord, give them the peace that passes all understanding. The surface waters and waves may be churning and crashing about but the ocean depths are calm. Rely and rest on, trust the Word of God. You are in His hands.

     "'Seal this with Your signet ring, O Lord!"

     "Another said, 'You and Jerry are gatekeepers. You cannot allow (missed something here) to come in. Whatever God is telling you to say or do--do it! You have His authority. Don't hold back!' Everyone there confirmed these words and visions.

     "This stunned me. I had asked for three independent confirmations that what we are hearing is of God--and while I was praying for three, He gave us four! 

     "Now I was fully convinced that God is the one calling me to write these appalling things, things I can scarcely believe myself. But I still felt I had to question Him about His timing. I couldn't get past the hierarchy of authority in Matthew 18. We had taken our grievance directly to the elder who had told us in effect (twice, at that point), 'You can't pray!' with no response to our grievance other than an increase in what I felt was his "badgering" us. Then I had appealed by e-mail to several elders, including the senior pastor, the pastor (JE) who had scared me, and executive elders whom I knew were involved in the commands to silence of many of our people. The subject heading of my e-mail was 'please stop.' There was no acknowledgement of this letter, no response--but then, I was so intimidated (and the younger parts of me so traumatized) by what the elders were saying to us, my letter was nearly incoherent. I'm sure they didn't read past the first two paragraphs. 

     "I prayed, Lord, I am willing to write whatever you want me to write, but first shouldn't I write to the elders and tell them we have read their letter, prayed about it, obeyed their request--asking God to show us if we have sinned, confessing the sins He revealed (which we have done)? Shouldn't I tell them we will submit to their authority except where it conflicts with Your authority? Shouldn't we let our correspondents know we have done all that, for the sake of our credibility?

     "Then God spoke to my heart and said, 'What I want you to tell the elders is not your message. It is not about you. I want you to give them MY message--AND I AM NOT UNDER THEIR AUTHORITY!'

     "Only then did I have His peace again.

     "I believe the Lord has a letter He wants us to write them. I must obey the Sovereign Lord. How can I not?

     "Please keep praying for truth to replace the lies in our church. I have prayed this for myself every day for years: 'Lord, speak truth to the lies I believe.'  It is amazing what God has showed me about myself--who I really am as opposed to who I think I am--and about Him.

Blessings,

(Jerry and) Jessica  

Glimpses of Grace 18: Music Man

     One of the elders asked if he could come talk with us. Not any elder but one of the nine executive elders at the inner core--and a personal friend of ours. Music Man is a man of integrity and Christ-like character whom we have always liked and admired. He said he knew we had questions and concerns about the events at church and he wanted to listen to our viewpoint.

     We were grateful but guarded. On Saturday, October 1, we welcomed him into our home with mutual hugs. He immediately noticed our piano and after asking permission, sat down and played for us one of eight worshipful arrangements of Christmas carols he had just written. It was such a sweet start to the time. Then Jerry opened in prayer and asked if we could tape our conversation so none of us would be misquoted. Music Man said he was fine with that.

     We shared everything candidly, especially the verbal abuse WOW and others of our friends have been experiencing at the hands of some of the elders which has caused them to leave our church. I shared how I had felt "badgered" by JE.

     Music Man was earnest and seemed sympathetic to our concerns. He assured us he loves the Lord and still believes all the truths of Scripture. But he is convinced the senior pastor and executive elders also believe and still teach those truths. And he is buying into the deception that leadership needs to "circle the wagons" (his term) and keep control for the sake of unity "until things settle down." 

      We listened to him and he listened to us for 90 minutes--and I, at least, really felt heard. He said he would go back and encourage the board to be more open and discuss the issues people are raising about their beliefs and teaching.  

     A couple of times toward the end of our conversation, however, he said something odd. "If I should do or say something in the next few days or weeks that seems--seems--to be contrary to what I am saying now, please give me grace."  He said it again after he prayed as we closed. Earnestly, apologetically: "Please extend grace to me. You will find me in situations in the weeks ahead not trying to silence people, please, just simply to say, 'Let's stop,' 'let's find ways (to keep things from escalating). . . a chance for dialogue.'"

     We were to recall those words the very next day. Music Man came to our Agape class with two other elders to denounce those who send out "trails of blind-copied emails--" "inflammatory emails"--"with accusations against elders in our church."

     Jerry and I weren't in class that morning but we asked the elder who read the announcement to email us a copy, which he did. When I read it, I was aghast.

     Lord, what have we done? How could we have done this to these sincere, honest men?

     In my spirit the Lord's small, still voice said, Read it again. 

     I remembered King Hezekiah's response to the threatening message from his enemies, mocking his trust in God. Hezekiah "took the letter from the hand of the messengers and read it, and he went up to the house of the LORD and spread it out before the LORD. . ."
     "Jerry," I said, "we need to read this again." We got on our knees beside our bed and spread the elders' letter out before the Lord. We read it aloud, slowly, one sentence at a time. And the facade of righteous indignation in it crumbled. Every claim in it was a lie!
     "This is plain and simple gossip--" No, legitimate concerns! ". . . contain innuendo and inference--" No, facts! "--that is causing fear, distrust, emotional damage, fractured relationships--" No, they are exposing the lies that have caused fear, distrust, emotional damage, fractured relationships!-- "they are hurting real people and causing real damage to our church." Yes, you are!   

Glimpses of Grace 17: (S)mashed potatoes

     I don't mean to sound cocky. I'm acutely aware that if Satan is small potatoes in relation to the Almighty, we are (s)mashed potatoes in relation to Satan, at least in our own strength. One man cautioned Jerry and me not to do anything alone. I have to stay under my husband's authority as my covering, not do anything he doesn't agree is of God, and he has to stay under the authority of Jesus Christ.

      In early October, after sending out the email to our general mailing list, posted here as "The battle is joined" (Glimpses 13 and 14), various intercessors sensed in their spirits that God is saying the battle is HIS, reminding us that He is the Captain of the Army of Israel, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, that He will fight for us. 

    One told us to "ask God to render all war room plans against you and Jerry null and void. That the Light convict and disarm all known and unknown strategies of the enemy at work in this situation. That Jesus Messiah would turn the heart of this servant [Lou] to the Most High God once and for all. That he would come to his senses and the spell be broken under the blood of Jesus Christ."

     Intercessors have gotten words and thoughts like, "You are standing on the wall" or "filling in the gap." "He's proud of you!" He is telling us to "stand firm," "fear not," "be strong." Independently, many intercessors have sensed God saying this is HIS church and He wants it back! He is calling us to "protect the cornerstone" or "foundation" in prayer and as we do, He will protect us. One prophetic word to us was "They can't hurt you!"

     Of course these are human beings claiming they are hearing from God or seeing in the Spirit so their words must be tested. What they say must be consistent with the teachings of Scripture and even if it is, we need to double-check: "Heavenly Father, is this for us? for now?"

      One pastor of our church confided that the leadership refers to the handful of us who are starting to openly question their teachings and agenda as "deadwood," which they have vowed to cull out. But God calls us "the faithful remnant." And the "handful" is growing. In early October a friend in Oregon texted me that 20 people up there are praying for us! The director of the prayer ministry Jerry and I minister with in the mountains sent out a prayer alert to all his intercessors (about 30 people).

     We have felt great peace and gratitude, for the most part. The two of us take consolation in the fact that NOBODY can prevent us from praying! One day a friend wrote, "I am sensing that you and Jerry, more so Jerry as He is the spiritual head of the home, begin to pray scripture out loud for 2 hours tonight. Start by asking the Holy Spirit to give you the verses of scripture needed here, and rest yourselves as you need it. Wait on Him as He leads you.  

     "What is resonating to me is as the Jews prayed for Esther and sought God through their submission and faith and prayers, He delivered Esther and the nation of Israel. You are a symbolic Israel. Again, please weigh and check for confirmation from Him in both of your spirits here. I trust the strength of the Lord on your behalf." 

    Those two hours, which we had thought we could never fill, were wonderful. The Lord brought back to mind one relevant verse after another and we declared them aloud together. Then we meditated on the names of God. We sang hymns that described Jehovah and His victorious power. We blessed and prayed for each of the elders and pastors.

     Physical oppression by the enemy sometimes wakes me at night but God has me use that time to pray or review Bible verse. I like to go over Psalm 23--in Spanish, which I am trying to learn. I don't know why it is more comforting to me in Spanish. Or He gives me understanding of what is going on in the war room. I'm no Elisha but at times it reminds me of the passage in 2 Kings 6, where God kept the prophet Elisha aware of what the king of Aram was plotting against the king of Israel: "Elisha, the prophet who is in Israel, tells the king of Israel the very words you [King of Aram] speak in your bedroom.”

     In obedience to what we believe God told us through one intercessor, we prayer-and-praise-walked around our classroom the night before the elders sat in on our class and the next morning the room was filled with the love and fellowship of the Lord! We also walked around the building in which the elders meet and the next meeting, the "inquisition" of our teacher, was civil. There were no bad repercussions from it.

     Then we prayer-walked all three pieces of property Grace owns and pounded symbolic tent pegs into every corner of each property, claiming it for the Lord Jesus Christ and announcing "We worship Yahweh, the Sovereign God of the Universe!"

   

Glimpses of Grace 16: Behind the men

     I don't want to give you the impression that the spiritual attacks Jerry and I and other intercessors have been under are always trivial. Remember the eye of Sauron in The Lord of the Rings? On the Sunday I fell apart (GOG 12), I saw in my spirit a beam of light, an "all-seeing eye" of evil, swing around to fix me with its awareness. I felt caught, exposed, helpless, and at the mercy of an unseen force like the one by which Gandolf was hurled across the room and smashed against a wall by a gesture. It made me want to run from the church and never come back. I was literally incoherent with terror. 

     Yet two days later, as you know from the letter I wrote that day (September 27), God had so calmed and energized us that we knew without a doubt He is about to do a mighty work in our church and that it is a privilege to play a part in it! He may have led other members of our church to leave but He is calling us to stay and to stand for truth. In Christ, we are armed and dangerous. 
     We don't want to focus on the enemy because he is pretty small potatoes next to the Almighty and, like any other bully, he takes all attention as a compliment. But you do have to be aware and diligent and know how to fight him. 
      Jerry and I have had a lot of experience with spiritual warfare. As a couple, we have been involved in a ministry of inner healing and spiritual warfare since we married--and I myself since the late 90s, when I was taken through deliverance by an American Baptist pastor Paul Cox of Aslan's Place and added to an intercessory team with him and his successors at the Center for Prayer Mobilization in Idyllwild, California. We have led or been part of prayer teams throughout more than 40 ministry weekends. I have also been trained in spiritual warfare and other forms of prayer under Dr. Neil Anderson, Dr. Charles Kraft, Dr. Ed Smith, and Dr. Tom Hawkins.

     We know we have an enemy and we know our enemy is not flesh and blood but "(evil) rulers (principalities, cosmic powers) of the unseen world, powers (mighty satanic beings), world forces (authorities, potentates, great evil princes) of this present darkness, spiritual (superhuman) spirits of wickedness," according to Ephesians, chapter 6, verse 12. 

     Some of the evil forces we have dealt with can be intimidating but they must yield to the delegated authority of Jesus Christ in us. In His name, we have learned to break curses, cancel any "legal" rights the enemy claims to keep people captive in lies, sickness, emotional torment, addiction, or sin, and break their power over individuals.

     In each situation, the Holy Spirit gives prayer team members whatever spiritual gifts they need to know what must be done and how to do it. Despite all our training, we come to each situation with "an empty tool box" and ask Him to fill it with the insight or other tools we need. Often we only get that insight in part and those tools one at a time as we listen to the person we are praying for and to the Lord, following what usually seem gentle nudges as we go along. It is only looking back, after the Lord has delivered someone from  demonic oppression, that we can see how the Lord was leading all the way.

     The ministry has many intercessors, three or more of whom can be gathered at any time of crisis. They are from many different denominations and backgrounds. Many have been through deliverances or healing themselves. They each have different spiritual gifts and when we gather the Lord generally assembles a gift mix that is just right for the need at hand.  
     I have always been thankful I don't have the gift of seeing demons. Friends of ours who do find it unnerving. It's always easier to face these ugly brutes and command them to leave in the name of Jesus if you can't actually see them. 
     The Bible says in Hebrews 5:14 that as we mature in Christ and exercise our spiritual capacities, "our senses will be trained to discern good and evil." I used to have zero capacity to know what was going on in the spiritual realm. Now I get mental pictures or words of knowledge when God wants me to have them for the purpose of ministering healing to someone.
     Since God revealed we are in this battle for our--His--church--I've been getting all kinds of discernment--and so have others as they pray for us.   

Glimpses of Grace 15: Just in case. . .

     Why do we think what is happening in our church has anything to do with hoods, curses, and demons? Well, for one thing, we sense them. A couple of hours after I send out an email or post something liable to upset the elder board, I can feel the electrical tingling all over me that I only feel in the presence of witchcraft. Or I feel the anger of those reading them as a knot in my stomach or a noose tightening around my neck or "see" in a distance a mob of angry people shouting (inaudibly) "Crucify Him!"

    When our intercessors pray for our church, they tell us they sense the same things: "I get the word 'cult." "There is a new light growing but it needs to be put out." "There is a kingdom but it is a false kingdom." A 72-year old woman in Massachusetts wrote us, "I prayed for you and your church a lot last night around midnight. The ones causing trouble may experience some severe penalties. Ananias and Sapphira types come to my mind." 

     A local woman praying for our senior pastor told me over the phone, "I see this man getting on his knees like a little boy, crying. The Lord is going to humble him. It will loosen the chains that are around the church, major bondage. They have no idea what they're dealing with. the enemy is right in front of their face. They'll find out. God will allow it to be exposed. He will work it out." 

     One young woman with powerful discernment who knows nothing about Freemasonry told me, "I see men with black hoods over their heads and faces laying you on a pentagram on the floor and praying against you."   

     When the man I am going to call Bear received a letter from the elders declaring that they were going to publicly denounce him before the whole congregation on a certain date for "the sin of stirring up dissension" (by exposing them), someone saw a man sticking pins into a pin cushion. When we asked God what this meant, we sensed the letter was a Trojan horse and the statements in it were curses. They were intended to prick and burn him and the rest of us if we kept taking them out and handling them. 

      When we pray for God to cover the eyes and block the ears of the enemy, scramble the enemy's communications systems, fall into the pits they dig for us, miss when they shoot at us, turn their anger on each other, get times and places wrong, it works for awhile but we have to keep doing it. The evil keeps getting re-empowered. The ley lines of access to us re-connect and have to be dealt with again. In our experience this only happens in high level warfare.

     And we know it because of the retaliation against our computer, by which we are disseminating truth they don't want known. The severe "password-stealing" virus that tried to invade when we refused to tell the elders the names of those we had blind-copied was just the beginning.

        As soon as I started Glimpses of Grace, the attacks against emails switched to attacks on my blog.  First I couldn't get to it. I'd get the message "Page you're looking for cannot be found." We laid hands on my computer and by the authority of Jesus Christ commanded the enemy to get off it. That worked.

     Then I got the message "Your request cannot be understood." In Jesus' name we commanded the enemy to release all our communications. The Lord showed Jerry how to fix it by simply re-booting each time. As long as I went directly to the blog, we had no problem.

     Once I could access it again, the cursor locked up and wouldn't move.

     After the Lord fixed that, the cursor went crazy. When my hand was on the mouse but not moving it, the cursor raced erratically around the page all by itself (as I'm told ouija board "cursors" do). 

     When that was resolved, the type style, color, and font starting switching back and forth randomly (they still do) and a young man sensed a "spirit of harassment." Then I started hearing from people who had been reading the blog that they couldn't get to it. They were being re-routed to sites that said things like, "You've WON!"

     I finally decided to stay online and signed in around the clock--and my computer shut itself off. Coincidences?

     Actually I take it as a neat reminder that the enemy is no match for the Most High God. I can almost see the men in the war room, getting more and more frustrated as they try to stop God's exposure of them every way they know how. I don't want to believe that our elders themselves are using curses, incantations, and voodoo against us but whatever spiritual entities are behind them certainly seem to be. 

     So in case you can't get to this blog or suddenly there are no new posts appearing on it, you'll know why.