Grace under Siege 32: Steel wool

     Jerry and I have only three signs of Christmas at our house. A couple of poinsettias from the market which I placed, still in their plastic pots, into the larger pots by our front door. A welcome mat with four faded, smiling gingerbread men angled across it. And the banner of a shepherd kneeling beneath a few twinkling stars. 
     I think putting those out took all of about five minutes, including shaking out the mat, watering the plants, and getting the kitchen chair for Jerry to stand on to thread the flag onto the flagstaff.

     That's all the time and energy we have had to spare. No cards, no cookies, no tree, no decorations, few gifts, no wrapping. We haven't had time to think much about Christmas.

     But I don't mind. We have had time to think about Christ. I keep seeing Him in His twofold role as shepherd and as lamb. Shepherd, defying anyone to harm us. Lamb, silently accepting the blame for our sins. Shepherd, striding home with us safely across His shoulders. Lamb, bleeding out His life for us.
     He keeps drawing me back to this motif. Lines from songs in a Christmas play flow into my innermost being like honey: "Shepherds bow before the Lamb." "The Lamb becomes our Shepherd King." 

     The Lord is my shepherd. When I wake in the night, I feel for those words and rub them between the fingers of my mind like a familiar spot worn threadbare on a favorite blankie. El Senor es mi pastor. Nada me faltara.
      The Lord is my pastor. I need that right now.

     Isaiah 53, even more than John 3:16, has become for me the heart of the gospel we no longer hear from our pulpit. I nurse at the richness of its truths like an undernourished baby: 
    All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God's paths to follow our own. Yet the LORD laid on him the sins of us all. He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth.
     "All of us, like sheep--" "We are the sheep of His pasture--" Dirty, dumb, helpless things, gullible, easily spooked. Yet He became one of us, a shepherd in a sheep's body. I feel safe in His pasture.
    But His pasture is not always safe. The apostle Paul, summoning the elders of the church of Ephesus to him on his way to Jerusalem, knowing he would not see them again, told them, "I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole purpose of God. Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood.  
     "I know that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; and from among your own selves men will arise, speaking perverse things, to draw away the disciples after them. Therefore be on the alert. . . "Acts 20:29-31a

     The whole purpose of God. That's what's missing now.  
     I had not noticed before that in Paul's warning he not only foresaw that wolves would come in among the flock from the outside to savage it, but "from among your own selves men will arise, speaking perverse things, to draw away the disciples."
     That's when I am grateful again that the LORD is my pastor.
     A friend emailed us her prayer for our church, that the Lord Jesus Christ will "rescue the sheep, nurture the lambs." I too have been praying for spiritual protection for the members of our church. Recently, as Jerry and I were praying aloud, I saw a flock of sheep--and one of them was wearing armor. I broke off my prayer, laughing, and told Jerry.

     "Armored sheep," Jerry said thoughtfully. "Steel wool?"

Grace under Siege 31: Occupy Grace?

     I forgot that I intended to call Lou "Pied Piper." I guess it's a little late now.
     Lou just sent out a letter to "all elders, deacons, Adult Bible Fellowship teachers/elders and everyone who has a teaching role in our children's through college ministry to make a commitment" which he assures us "has also been approved by the Executive Board of Elders."
     Well, that sets our minds at rest. 
     Jerry and I are both deacons. We must each "joyfully covenant" to do six spiritual-sounding things, all for the purpose of "relating to the leadership of the church in such a way as to demonstrate trust and to submit to the leadership with a teachable spirit. . ."
     Hmm, trust and submit to the leadership. Didn't it used to be trust and obey--Jesus Christ?
     We must sign and return this document by January 12. If we "are not able and/or willing to sign this document," the letter goes on, we are to "indicate that as well and return the document."
     This is just one more way--besides stealing our mailing list, intimidating all of us with false accusations, rage, and threats of "severe church discipline" which they are now starting to carry out--they are trying to smoke out those unwilling to be under their absolute control and rubber-stamp their agenda to remove the church from its original foundation.
     Another way: Lou has asserted the right all our senior pastors have had--but none preceding him have acted on, as a matter of propriety--to access the financial records of our church. He can monitor who is still giving money to the church and who has reduced or stopped their giving. (He does not have access, as far as I know, to the names of the many who have written Grace out of their wills since he came.)
    In all these ways, the "leadership" is tightening its grip on us as they move toward absolute power and domination over our church.
     Let's see, this document would be like Barack Obama requiring all Americans to "pledge allegiance to the President of the United States and to the Congress--"
     I don't think so.

Grace under Siege 30: "Why do you stay?"

     Many friends ask us why we stay at this church. They say they would have walked a long time ago and they invite us to worship at their church(es). As one member of our denomination commented on my post, "Kangaroo court," "What is going on at YOUR church is an embarrassment to all members of the Brethren faith. . .
     "That your 'leaders' have seen fit to embark on this absurdly bizarre calling out of the faithful, when they themselves have removed themselves from the fellowship of Brethren believers by their complete disregard of the charter for their own church, is a farce, an embarrassment beyond description, and utterly dishonoring to Christ. Your church has become a joke.
     "I'm personally ashamed of your so-called  'leadership,' the compromising majority of your congregation that is putting up with this twaddle, and the perverted crapola that is passing for faith in your assembly. Rest assured: God will deal with all of those in your midst who bring disrepute to the Christ of the Scriptures. . .
     "I'm embarrassed and chagrined that I ever had any connection with the place. May God deal with the Laodiceans in your midst. Only His grace, as opposed to my personal wishes, will save such a 'leadership' from the thumping it deserves."
     Why do we stay? We stay because it's our church--and because God told us to. He has not released us to go elsewhere. Besides, if we bail, just like in a marriage, we'll have invested a lot of time, energy, agony, and prayer--but miss all the answers to prayer and the happy ending!

Grace under Siege 29: "--who are not members of our church!"

     At the public humiliation of Bear on Sunday, the executive elders--whom we could call more informally The Nine--made a raft of charges against him. Some of the charges were true. Bear did forward letters of accusations against the leadership written by people "who are not members of our church." 

     But it was not the whole truth. These people used to be members of our church. Most of them wrote that they left because they could no longer sit under deviant teaching and/or felt pressured out by the leadership.

     The whole truth would have included the reason why they are not members of our church. Even a former elder who was on the Pastoral Search Committee which recommended we hire Lou left the church some time ago, saying he regrets his role in that decision.

Grace under Siege 28: Bear

     At the kangaroo court, the elders announced the kind of wrath they were wreaking on the man I call Bear had not been done often in our church. We would venture to say it has NEVER been done in our church. What had Bear done that was so scandalous?
     Two months ago emails were flying thick and fast. We had sent some of the first. We received a few, others we only heard about. Two anonymous senders signed themselves only "Average Joe" and "Crusader Wabbit." We had no idea who they were.

     On October 9, Bear mailed out "Shedding Light on the Darkness" (Oct. 9), blasting the secrecy and deception of the elders. It was bristling with attachments: firsthand accounts of verbal abuse on the part of the elders against members who had chosen to leave the uncomfortable environment of the church. 

     Bear is a former chairman of the Executive Board of Elders, the man who, when one of his successors ordered every elder to present a decision to the congregation as "unanimous," told him, "It wasn't unanimous and I won't lie for you. I quit."

     Bear is a big, lovable, brusque, shoot-from-the-hip guy with a black belt. His in-depth study of Scripture contributes to the teaching and discussions in our Agape Bible class at church and his perceptive wit keeps Agape from getting too serious. He has a deep sense of justice which may be why he chose to become an attorney and is aggressively protective of God's word and His people. And you don't want to mess with anyone or anything he has chosen to protect.

     The day before my first husband went in for brain surgery, he called to have Bear update his will and trust. Bear brought the papers to our house in person that night for him to sign. He told my husband, "Don't worry about Jessica. If anything happens, I'll see she is taken care of." 

     Eighteen months later, when my husband passed on, I went to Bear's office and he was faithful to his word. He explained everything, walked me through the red tape. Although he must be a bit behind me in age, his protection felt fatherly. After walking me from his huge desk to his office door with his hand on my shoulder, he gave me a little kiss on the top of my head (you will recall I am only five feet tall) and assured me again that he would keep his promise to take care of me. 
     And he has.

Grace under Siege 27: Ho hum, the pentagram again

      Saturday was a hard day, one of the most intense we've had in this battle. I forward these posts by email to over 100 people who have asked for them--plus a few who have not requested them but have not taken us up on our promise to stop sending them if they let us know they don't want them.
     When we sent out Saturday's post, every single email was returned by our System Administrator as "spam." Every single name had been deleted from our mailing list. And every attempt to contact those people, anything mentioning Glimpses of Grace or this URL, was blocked. The anonymous System Administrator did not overturn this ruling on appeal.
     As Jerry and I were absorbing this, my friend called. "I dreamt you were on that Pentagram again but this time you were striving and struggling and couldn't get up.  Some of the men around you were wearing hoods as usual. [Saul] keeps coming to my mind. He is part of it.
      "As I was praying over you, for the first time in my life I saw myself in a white robe. God said, 'You're part of the intercessors praying over Jessica.'
     "I said, 'I'm only human. I can't do this!'
     "He said, 'Of course you can't.' 
     "'But I want to save her.'
     "'I know. I can--and you can do all things through Me.'
     "He said when the spirit is corrupt, the flesh follows. The people have been corrupted. It flows from the head pastor. He told me you (Jessica) are in the middle of what's happening in the heart of the church. It's hard because you put all your energy into this church. You want to stay in the fight but God wants to remove you in His timing.
      "I wondered why you were struggling and why you couldn't just get up. God said it is only by His power that you will be taken out. [I asked her to rephrase that! She said, "--that you will be removed."] You need to calm down. I saw a swooping--a wind--the wind of God's Spirit, knocking the hoods off the people and robes fell to the ground."
     I serve at the pleasure of the Almighty. If He wants me pinned to a pentagram for a time, I give Him permission and consider it a privilege.  

Grace under Siege 26: "Very deceived"

     Our friend Tenderheart has a powerful gift of discernment of spirits but it is a gift she'd rather not have. It makes her nervous. She doesn't like being able to sense evil and see demons. Sometimes she calls me long-distance to have me pray that God will dial down her spiritual sensitivity unless she needs it for ministry. Her family used to attend Grace when she was young. Now she is married with children and the family was spending a couple of weeks with us.

      She was leafing through the current church directory to see if there was anyone in it she still recognized. She hesitated at one page. "I don't know this man," she said slowly, "but he is very influential in this church--and he is very deceived."

     She was pointing to the picture of the chairman of the elder board, the one I have called Hatchet Man. I thought to myself, If she is right and this is from God, this man is not the evil mastermind of this apostasy. I assumed he was from his aggressive behavior to the flock. He's just deceived. I will not call him Hatchet Man anymore. I will call him Saul because he is zealous to defend God's honor but he does not realize that in persecuting those he considers God's enemies, he is persecuting Jesus Christ Himself. 

     She kept idly turning pages. She stopped at the picture of a single woman, one who has been praising God through two years of constant pain. Oh, no, there is no way I'd believe anything sinister about her!

     "This woman," said my friend, "has such a heart for God. She is a sweet lady."

     Amen!

     "This young man--there is something about him. I don't know exactly but something is not right. And this older man is a Freemason. Do you know him? You need to talk to him."

     I held my breath as she came to the page showing the picture of our senior pastor. I waited and when she said nothing I gave in to my curiosity and pointed to him. "And this man?"

     She stood up straighter. "I feel Satan right behind my back," she said.

     In horror, I realized what I had done. Immediately I apologized to her and confessed aloud to God, "Oh, Lord, forgive me! Forgive me for seeking knowledge for its own sake or for power and seeking it from a source other than You!" The spiritual gift of discernment, corrupted, becomes psychic power, which is witchcraft. "If you want us to know anything, You tell us."

      Immediately she said, "This man is bad. He is leading people astray."