It all comes together here

For a safe place, go to http://littleselves.blogspot.com/ 


    There was no way I was going to marry again after Rick's brave heart finally stopped. I vowed I wouldn't do that to any other man. Besides, whether he meant to give me that message or not, I got it--he was the only man with the patience to put up with me.
     I brought sexual issues into that marriage that were not my fault, that I was not even aware of. I was only aware of symptoms. But my husband had some--shall we say--modesty issues of his own, based on how he saw himself, his weight, etc.
     After our wedding we checked into the Disneyland Hotel. Or rather he checked us in. He had me stand across the lobby in my little brown velvet going away suit with the corsage on the lapel, holding our overnight case. When he signed in, the man behind the desk threw his chin in my direction and said, "Who's she?"
     At the restaurant, putting off going up to our room, we realized I was pointing to entrees on the menu with my card of contraceptives. He blushed and shoved it out of sight.
     I don't mean to put my first husband down in any way. He had his own issues for his own reasons, many of which were anguishing for him. But all my life I'd been through the hells of abuse and its effects plus the strain of abstinence, waiting for marriage to do it right, and I was anticipating for the first time being in a relationship that was legal, moral, sexually free and fulfilling, ready to experience sex as God intended it. I was ready to be naked and not ashamed.
     Each of these moments which he found embarrassing, including ones in our room that night, let some of the hope out of my heart. When we came back from our honeymoon to his parents' house and he was worried that they'd overhear us--not overhear us making torrid, passionate love but just talking and moving around--in the family room, the rest of the hope drained from me, the assurance that marriage would make things different, that sex was okay now.
 
     But it all comes together here. Yes, as it turns out, I was in love with my father. And yes, the violations I experienced were sufficient to justify the severe symptoms I exhibited. I'm not any crazier than any other normal person would have been given the abnormal background I had--and there's NOTHING wrong with me!
     He was a child molester but he was the perfect father for me. I wrote a novella about him called New Every Morning and the sub-title of the book is, "He hurt her. Now he is at her mercy. A different kind of love story." It is a love story because we were both broken, father and daughter, and God's love was big enough for both of us. 
     Now I am in love with my heavenly Father, the one who hand-picked my earthly father.
     Yes, I had a husband with whom I could not let myself go sexually because he was "too good" and I saw myself as bad. How could I do those bad sexual things with such an upright, moral man? And I have a husband now with whom I can let myself go because, well, he is slightly flawed, too, so it's okay. 
     As Jerry says, we are each the sum total of all we have done, left undone, had done to us--and we needed all of it to be who we are meant to be. I would not be the person of compassion and fiery indignation for the justice of little ones if I had not been through all I went through. I don't regret a bit of it. I am victim and overcomer, simple lover of cuddling and complex amateur psychologist/philosopher/theologian, seeker of truth and inconsistent hypocrite. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, work-in-progress, wounded healer, God's forgiven child.
     So are you.   
     And it is all, all so worth it, every single minute detail so marvelously designed and orchestrated, the end planned before the beginning for our very best good and His eternal glory, even now before He pulls aside the veil and shows us how that can be.

For a safe place, go to http://littleselves.blogspot.com/ 

Today I am thankful for violins.

God is on the side of your marriage (4 of 4)

HUSBANDS AND WIVES  
     Then, sweetly, as if assuming there will be reconciliation, the apostle Paul addresses the couple together in Ephesians 5, verses 31-33: "As the Scriptures say, 'A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
     And in I Peter 3:8-22 he broadens his audience again to address every Christian, married or single: "Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it. For the Scriptures say,
   'If you want to enjoy life
      and see many happy days,
   keep your tongue from speaking evil
      and your lips from telling lies.
  Turn away from evil and do good.
      Search for peace, and work to maintain it.
  The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right,
      and his ears are open to their prayers.
   But the Lord turns his face
      against those who do evil.' 
     ^"Now, who will want to harm you if you are eager to do good?  But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it. So don’t worry or be afraid of their threats.  Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ.  Remember, it is better to suffer for doing good, if that is what God wants, than to suffer for doing wrong."

      You might try reading Chuck Swindoll's Improving Your Serve (which transformed Jerry's first marriage) or Gary Thomas' Sacred Marriage, or the other two Gary's, Gary Smalley and Gary Chapman or anything by H. Norman Wright or  Ed Wheat, M.D. Marriage is seldom 50-50. Sometimes it has to be 100-0. Jesus calls each of us, married or single, to nothing less. 

 

     Frankly, having said all this, I can't guarantee this will save or even improve your marriage. God has designed the universe so your spouse's will--and ours--can (seem to) overrule His. But I can guarantee you Jesus will walk with you through whatever happens and will listen to you and speak to you as His beloved one, as long as you are waiting with a "weaned heart."
     I can guarantee this will bring you closer to your Father's heart, that though there may still be pain, it will be a different kind of pain, a cauterizing, cleansing, healing pain, a pain with purpose. For me, it is important when I'm under any severe stress (like when Rick was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer) that I do it right, that through the upcoming holocaust I learn everything which God wants to teach me, so it won't have been in vain.

     As one woman who was still standing for her marriage two weeks before her husband was due to marry another woman told her counselor Gary Thomas, "God can still restore my marriage but even if he doesn't, he's still God. This has been such a rich time for me spiritually, so profoundly life-changing. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I can't say I'm glad my marriage broke up, but I am glad for the fruit it has created." (Sacred Marriage, p. 122)

Bible references cited: Ephesians 5:31-33; I Peter 3:8-22 (New Living Translation).

Today I am thankful for what God is doing and going to do in your marriage and in your life.

God is on the side of your marriage (3)

      Still doesn't sound like good news? How about this: neither the church nor our spouse deserves perfect love but neither do we. Jesus, who sets the example by loving us perfectly, calls us to follow in His steps--and He empowers us to do so. He himself, with his own hand, will someday crown us for our obedience and submission to Him.

     Jesus knows all about being spurned, rejected, belittled, betrayed. How did He respond, the One who has never deserved anything but gratitude and worship? "He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth." to defend himself in the face of unjust accusations. (Are you feeling sheared--naked, exposed, and shivering with cold and humiliation?)
     Oh look, we've got mail! "Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human institution. . . For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps. He never sinned, nor ever deceived anyone. He did not retaliate when he was insulted, nor threaten revenge when he suffered. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly."
      And more mail! In Ephesians, chapter 5,  God through the apostle Paul has written to tell us the secret to an abundant life. He starts out (verse 15) talking about being intentionally wise, about being filled with the Holy Spirit and with song and about being thankful. Then he says, almost as an afterthought, "(Oh, and by the way,) submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
     But in no way is this just a throwaway line. It is foundational to all he is about to say about relationships--between husbands and wives, between parents and children, between servants and masters. Every one of us in the body of Christ is called to mutual submission.
     The rest of this part of the letter is giving us the secret of the abundant married life. Listen up! This is good stuff. He is going to be specific. By the way, there is a letter in that same passage addressed to your spouse, but since it isn't addressed to you, don't be concerned with it. It's not your job to change your spouse. That's God's job. It's your job to love your spouse.

WIVES

     God's letter to us wives is in verses 22-24: ^"For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything."
     Paul counsels something similar in I Peter, chapter 3: "In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over  by observing your pure and reverent lives.  
     "Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.  This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands.  For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do."
     Jesus calls us wives to yield to our husband's headship whether he is worth it or not, whether he responds positively or not. He calls us to do this out of obedience to Him, as if we are doing it for Him, the One who is worthy. He will enable us to accomplish this if we let Him love our spouse through us. 

     Jesus calls you to see yourself as standing on the same side as your husband, being his helper, support and cheerleader. He wants you to resolve by a daily (hourly, if necessary) act of your will to love him as the one God has appointed to be head of your marriage, seeking his best interests by serving him, asking his forgiveness, or forgiving him whether he asks for forgiveness or not. Whatever else it means, it means humbling yourself as Christ did.
     Do it for Jesus, as an act of obedience, as an act of worship, as an evidence of the intimate love between you and Him.

HUSBANDS

      God's letter to husbands in Ephesians chapter 5 is in verses 25-30: "For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body."
     Jesus calls you to love your wife whether she is worth it or not, whether she responds positively or not. He calls you to do this in obedience to Him, as if we are doing it for Him, the One who is worthy. He will enable you to accomplish this if you let Him love her through you.

     Jesus calls you to see yourself as standing on the same side as your wife, being her defender and champion. He asks you to resolve by a daily (hourly, if necessary) act of your will to love her as Christ loved the church, laying down your life for her moment-by-moment, whether that means serving her, asking her forgiveness, or forgiving her whether she asks for forgiveness or not. Whatever else it means, it means humbling yourself as Christ did.
     Do it for Jesus, as an act of obedience, as an act of worship, as an evidence of the respect you have for Him. 
     Another letters to husbands is in I Peter 3:7: "In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered."

Bible references cited: Isaiah 53:7; I Peter 2:13-25; Ephesians 5:15-21; Ephesians 5: 22-24; I Peter 3:1-6;  Ephesians 5:25-30; I Peter 3:7. New Living Translation.


I'm thankful our obedience down here brings God pleasure and that it is okay to obey for the purpose of  winning rewards up there. 

God is on the side of your marriage (2)

     Someone gave me wise advice when my daughter was newly married. Like every couple, they had a few rocky patches at first and she called home a couple of times to vent a little and ask my advice. She was careful not to bad-mouth her husband but it would have been easy for me to side with her and assume he was the bad guy.    
     Thankfully, I remembered the counsel given me: Be on the side of the marriage. Not on her side, not on his side. On the side of the marriage.
     I must have done it right because a few months later when they had another dust-up of some sort, it was my son-in-law who suggested my daughter call me!
     God is on the side of your marriage. He wants you to be more than two ragged halves of a whole,  clobbered and bloody, bewildered and disillusioned, or empowered by bitterness, wondering why you're holding a certificate of divorce in your hand. 
     Only one catch. You  have to do it His way. Shouting back? No. Stalking out and slamming doors? No. And no pouting or sulking! A soft answer turns away anger. (If it doesn't, we're called to use one anyway.) No blaming or shaming. No manipulative tears. No resorting to drugs, alcohol, or over-eating. No back-biting. No affairs. No hitting below the belt, no head-butting, no rabbit punches. Keep it clean, keep it civil, keep it mature.
     How can anyone be expected to do this? You probably can't, not consistently. Lean on Him. Stay in close touch with Him. Keep short accounts with Him, confessing wrong when the Spirit prods. Consult Him frequently.
      First thing every morning (or even the night before) give Him your life, this day, your marriage. Verbally, symbolically, put on all the armor God has given you. You're in a very real battle. You need the truth wrapped around you to keep you from defending yourself, justice to protect your intentions, peace to keep you from running away, salvation to protect your thoughts, faith to keep fiery darts of condemnation from piercing your heart, and the word of God with which to come in the opposite spirit--kindness, patience, tenderness, forgiveness, mercy, and joy.
     If you remain sheltered in Jesus, as blameless as possible, keeping your shield up (not your fists), your spouse will have to deal with Jesus. Don't give your spouse ammunition to deflect the focus to your snide statement, your high-and-mighty attitude, your hypocrisy in some area of your life. It helped me to think of hurtful words as whizzing over my left shoulder, aimed not at me but at our Lord. I tried to stay out of the way and let Him handle them. (Oh, that's hard!) It helps too, to think of the enemy--big, hairy, dumb, and smelly--as standing behind your spouse, goading him to hurt you. Your enemy is not your spouse.
     One of your weapons is the name of Jesus. Because your enemy is God's enemy, too, you have God's authority to use His name to silence or rout him. Address the enemy aloud when you do this (God can read your mind; the enemy can't): "Satan, I forbid you to hurt me through my husband or to hurt my husband through me. I command you to leave in Jesus' name and go wherever he sends you. I forbid you to return or harass us in any way." Something like that. (Note the "us.")
     In my first marriage, Rick and I were exchanging verbal slugs when I completely lost it. I picked up the telephone and heaved it against the sliding closet door, shattering its mirror. Without even knowing he was going to do it, my husband commanded, "Violence, leave, in the name of Jesus!"
     Instantly I was standing there in my right mind, thinking, "What did I just do?"
     With the enemy out of the way, Rick and I were free to apologize, talk (instead of yell), and work things through.
     You say it's not fair that you do all the work, that your spouse doesn't deserve your love and respect. No. But isn't Jesus worthy of your love and respect--and worship? Can you do it for Him?
     A friend of mine stood for her marriage for years and years and years, long after all her friends told her to "get on with her life." Her husband left her and their children because another woman and her children "needed" him. Lorraine fought daily for balance between self-pity and vengeance. She eked out a living as a school crossing guard and took any bitter and vindictive thoughts, all the injustice of it, to the Lord instead of to her friends. It was the hardest thing God had ever asked of her.
     It was decades before her husband came home. First he visited, quick visits, superficial conversation. She asked how he was doing, asked after his new family, sobbed into her pillow alone afterward. He came and stayed longer, beginning to unravel and let her see glimpses of his shame and wretchedness for the choices he had made. She never rubbed it in but she didn't dismiss it as nothing, either. When the Lord pulled everything out from under him and he crawled back, the prodigal husband, she didn't gloat. She didn't resent getting the dregs. He had terminal cancer. Last I knew she was taking care of him with the tenderness of Jesus.
       You will miss blessings, insights, benefits, growth and intimacy with Jesus if you choose one of the many "wrong responses to pain." The pay-off, if you endure to the end, is so, so worth it.

Today I am thankful that maybe you are the one who is going to regain hope!

God is on the side of your marriage

     If your marriage is a mess, I have good news for you. Your spouse is not your enemy.
     You do have an enemy but it isn't your spouse.
     You and your spouse have a common enemy.
     Your enemy is after your marriage. (If he can destroy you, your faith, your peace, and your self-esteem in the process, he's okay with that, too.)
     Why is this good news?
     Because you have a Friend who is greater than your enemy. This Friend designed and created each one of you. He designed and created marriage. Even if it doesn't feel like it right now, He brought you both into this marriage. He has a future and a hope for each of you individually and for the two of you together.
     This Friend patterned marriage after His own love relationship between Himself and His people, that is, us. He wooed us, cleaned us up, dressed us in white, and committed Himself to us forever. He has arranged a Marriage Supper in our honor and has it on His calendar.
     He wants your marriage, your love for each other, to reflect his love for you.
     He is fully invested in defending, restoring and making your marriage better than it ever was.

     Okay, your marriage is so not anything like God intended! It's sick, it's dying, it's dead. You're not even sure you want a resurrection. Your spouse is nothing like Jesus Christ and not worthy of your love or respect.
     Your spouse has sided with the enemy.
     But now it's your turn to pick for your side and guess who is still available--your Friend, the biggest, baddest, toughest, all-time best player on the team! Did I say player? He's the manager! Wait, he's the owner!--wait, He's King of the Universe! And He's got your back!
     Interested in knowing what he's willing to do for you?

(Continued tomorrow)   
    

Today I am thankful that someone reading this is going to regain hope.

If Valentine's Day was hard for you

     Now for you wives (or husbands) who read my post "How to stay valentines" yesterday and were thoroughly disheartened by it. It doesn't describe your marriage, maybe never did, and you can't see any way it ever will.
     I've been there, too. My first marriage was a really good one, genuinely good, yet the day came for both Rick and me when we asked God (we found out, comparing notes later), "Is this all there is? Am I stuck with (him/her) the rest of my life?"
     For one thing, we were so far apart on the Myer-Briggs scale we were falling off opposite ends of it. He approached life from his head, I from my heart. He thought explaining things to me rationally would convince me of their veracity and that if I didn't agree with him, it was because I didn't understand. So he would patiently explain it to me again. Louder.
    I felt like a rabbit hunted to ground. I would stop defending my point of view (just as my mother had with my father) and give up, waiting with my head hung down for the lecture to be over. Sometimes, to get it over with sooner, I'd just agree with him. He knew I didn't mean it so he'd try harder to convince me of the soundness of his reasoning.
     I'd concede again. "You're right. I'm wrong." I thought that's what he was after, my surrender, his triumph. But it would only make him more frustrated.
     If he persisted, I'd get desperate. I'd wave an imaginary white flag. "Okay, okay, I get it. You're perfect!" That made him angry--but still he wouldn't let go. I felt trapped.
     Finally I'd get sarcastic. "Okay, I'm slime! Is that what you want?" That drove him crazy.
     Late in the marriage, when we got counseling and really worked hard to hear each other, he said, "Why didn't you stand up to me and make your case? You're a bright person; you might have persuaded me I was wrong."
     But by that point in an argument I couldn't care less who was right or wrong. When he shouted at me, everything in me would shut down. I would hear my father dismissing my ideas as stupid and crazy. I was all about peace at any price.
     He was all about truth at any price.
     There were other issues. As most of them do, these way preceded the marriage. My father, besides being a scientist, a tennis champion, a trapeze artist, a boat designer and captain, a playwright, and a peace activist, was a child molester.
     Rick told me once, bitterly, "Your father ruined my life." He meant his sex life.
     What about mine? I know Rick really loved me but he couldn't understand why I was ambivalent about sex, often scared to let him initiate it. I longed for safe, tender cuddling but I couldn't guarantee when the time came for more that I would not panic. After feeling rejected time after time, Rick told me he felt like a failure. He told me to stay on my own side of the bed; it was too hard on him to have me close. He wanted to release me from any pressure his expectations might put on me so he told me--me, a woman who already felt like a prostitute for responding to sex--that if I wanted sex, it was up to me to come to him and initiate it. 
     Then my mother died suddenly. While I was grieving her loss, I met a man. He listened like she did, he cared for the broken little girl in me, he believed in me (whatever that means). But he wasn't my mother. He wasn't safe. He was a man.  I spiraled into deep depression. I stopped eating. I ran away from home, drove from Southern California to the Oregon border, turned back, met with my therapist, admitted I was suicidal, and let myself be admitted to a mental hospital.
     There I peered over the precipice into divorce and seriously considered it. Rick even gave me permission to leave him if I wanted to. I chose to stay. During the six weeks in the hospital,  I learned to give value to my feelings and to express my needs.
     To Rick's credit, our marriage meant enough to him--I meant enough to him--that he got into therapy to find out how to not only save what we had but change so he could improve it.
     Then he was diagnosed with brain cancer. We let go of our separate lives, of our right to be right or to fulfill ourselves or be satisfied by the other person. Our existence narrowed down to clinging to each other and fighting for his life. The 18 bittersweet months between his diagnosis and his death was the most precious time we had together since early marriage. The issue of sex no longer loomed painfully between us. As he became more dependent on me, he became more aware of my value. And as I felt more appreciated, I blossomed, serving him.
     All this to say, I know what a marriage of two people out of sync with, out of sympathy toward, each other is like--and so does Jerry. We are grateful to have a chance to love again and so much that seemed so important the last time around seems so irrelevant now.

Today I am thankful for my first husband, Rick.

How to stay valentines

     I wake early, secured in Jerry's arms. As soon as I stir, he kisses me and says, "Good morning, Sunshine! I love you and I hope you slept well and had nothing but good dreams." We hug and sometimes we count each other's eyes. Then we cuddle as we fall back to sleep together.
     Seven years ago today Jerry brought me roses, a ruby pendant and--a bundt cake. (The stores had run out of chocolates.) He proposed to me (and I accepted) on the swing in my back yard. We had been dating for--oh, let's see. Eleven days. We started pre-marital counseling right away, finishing the series after the wedding, which was 11 weeks later. Our marriage counselor said it wouldn't work; we're too alike.
     Well, it's working and I want to tell you why. It is not because we are too alike. We're not. It's because Jerry is perfect.
     No, he's not, but he's as close as a man can get. After his morning greeting, we read a prayer aloud together, giving the day to the Lord. We pick a color for the day, which applies to what we wear and the tea we drink. (Earl Grey covers black, gray, brown, beige, and white, because we drink it with milk.) He even bought himself a pink shirt for days when I wear pink. Then we shower together.
     You know how these little rituals in the early days of marriage--the waving goodbye from the window, the kiss hello at the door--sort of fall away? Well, the reason we still shower together after nearly seven years is that one day Jerry got into the shower and when I hadn't joined him after a few minutes he said, "I'm lonely." I've never missed the chance to join him again. (By the way, the secret to showering together without the other person getting in the way is to wash each other, not yourself.)
     At every meal, he takes my hands in his and prays, in part, "Thank you for my beautiful, sexy, wonderful, winsome, hardworking, wedded wife, my answer to prayer, my gift from God." And before bed he repeats his wedding vows to me, with a kiss after each one.
     Throughout the day he'll come give me a kiss for no reason, tell me he loves me, and ask what he can do for me. Oh, did I mention he makes breakfast? (We usually make lunch and dinner together.) We grocery shop together and whenever we do, he buys me flowers. He does the vacuuming and often he does the laundry. (We're retired, if you wonder where he gets the time.)
     When we are out he counts every VW bug (and every PT "Snugger" for good measure) and gives me that many kisses when we get home.
      What does he get in return? When we wake up I tell him,"Good morning, my Prince. I hope you slept well and had nothing but good dreams." At every meal I hold his hands and pray, "Thank you for my wonderful, sexy, handsome hard-working, faithful, forgiving, fun husband, my answer to prayer, my gift from God." Before bed, I repeat my wedding vows to him, with a kiss after each one.
     Throughout the day I kiss him for no reason, tell him I love him, and thank him for everything he does for me. I help with the laundry, the cooking and the cleaning. We like to call each other "my love." (Sarah called her husband Abraham "my lord.") Sometimes I tell him, "Thank you for loving me and marrying me and putting up with me." He'll tell me, "Thank you for loving me and marrying me and putting up with me and letting me love you and marry you." He stops there. The safety and tenderness I feel in his acceptance make responding to him easy.
     What first attracted me to Jerry was that he listens. Since then I have been further attracted by the fact that he never shouts (that's a big one with me), never defends or justifies himself, never blames, shames, or puts me down, won't quarrel if I pick a fight, never withholds his love or touch. And when I ask his forgiveness he always says, "There's nothing to forgive. I love you." because he has already let it go. He is the most emotionally stable person I have ever met.
     It has taken me seven years to come out of past dysfunctionality and recognize unconditional love. Every day I feel unworthy of it but day by day I am learning to embrace and enjoy it.     

Today I am thankful for my wonderful, sexy, handsome, hard-working, faithful, forgiving, fun husband, my answer to prayer, my gift from God.